It’s 11 pm right now and I’m writing this in a dimly lit room that seems to be only receiving light from my computer screen. While I wasn’t planning to write anything today since Sunday is relaxation time, I felt like I wanted to discuss a game that everyone seems to love but I can’t seem to get into. Stellaris released on May 9, 2016 to uproarious applause. People love this god damned video game yet I can’t seem to wrap my fucking head around it.
Now, just to give a bit of context, I’m not really a fan of 4x games. That doesn’t mean I don’t like certain 4x games, I just don’t like them as much as most people. I’ve given the majority of them chances, I just can’t play them the whole way through. I own Civilization V on Steam and I have only 7 hours. That’s barely anything in most games, that’s about 4 seconds in a 4x strategy game. Another game on my Steam account, Age of Wonders III, has only 2 hours. I keep giving these games chance after chance and I’m pretty sure it comes from my time with Civilization IV. I loved Civilization IV, I put hundreds of hour into the game. My bored summer turned into an exciting adventure that consumed hundreds upon hundreds of hours. It’s easily in my top ten games of all time and it began this love of 4x that no other game has been able to capture.
I thought Stellaris could do it. The concept seemed so fantastic with a huge scope that sent my head spinning. I was so excited to play it.
Now, I was considering selling it but I can’t since I’ve got more than two hours on it. The biggest problem with this game (and it’s a very big problem for me) is that it is so, absolutely, mind-numbingly, boring. I can’t stand it. I waddle around doing fuck all for 5 hours. This is the most boring 4x strategy game I have played in a long time. It does nothing to stimulate me whatsoever. I’m left looking at bars and graphs and space with a blank stare. I completed the tutorial which, in all fairness, was a fairly good tutorial that exposed me to pretty much everything that I really needed to be aware of. There was also some of that really nice dry humor that I’ve come to expect from Paradox games. After that, you’re left doing nothing, you’ll scan your system, find some shit, and than the grind begins. I just can’t do it. There are so many better 4x games that I could be playing instead of wasting my time on something that is slowly melting my brain.
None of this is to say that Stellaris is a bad game. In fact, I don’t think that at all. It’s actually a really cool game that I can definitely see the appeal in. It just doesn’t do it for me, and I don’t think it every will. Whatever, to each their own. I’ll just go back to playing DOOM.
P.S. I need to change that fucking title. That, boys and girls, is what sleep deprivation and late night gaming does to you.